Gotta disagree with you on both points - definitely not hate-worthy, and I found a few more than three lines that were damn near perfection. :3 I love the feel of this. You capture the scene, the characters, the grittiness so neatly - I could feel the soggy sugar cube and hear the scratching of sand on the stairs. Also, I have to say it stands very neatly alone, without an ending. Not all stories need - or are made better by - a solid ending; while this one could use a little something to tidy up and close the scene, I think it makes a damn fine story in its own right.
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Date: 2009-08-23 02:52 pm (UTC)Gotta disagree with you on both points - definitely not hate-worthy, and I found a few more than three lines that were damn near perfection. :3 I love the feel of this. You capture the scene, the characters, the grittiness so neatly - I could feel the soggy sugar cube and hear the scratching of sand on the stairs. Also, I have to say it stands very neatly alone, without an ending. Not all stories need - or are made better by - a solid ending; while this one could use a little something to tidy up and close the scene, I think it makes a damn fine story in its own right.
Out of curiosity, which three lines do you like?